Chill

Sometimes, we get too caught up in the race for our own self gratification. Our neediness and desperation actually pushes that which we desire AWAY from us.

Sometimes, we just need to chill and enjoy the moment. When we realize that the present moment is perfect the way it is, we stop running after things, and instead, let them come to us.

Don't grasp, be self satusfied. Everything else will be alright.

Balance

I am an avid fan of Taoist philosophy. One aspect of Taoism that I particularly adore is called Wu Wei, or Non-action. Wu Wei means letting things take their course and not forcing things. But how can we change if we don't do anything? How can we improve our lives if we just idly sit by as we get destroyed by inner and outer demons?

"Do you work, then step back." -Tao Te Ching, chapter Nine

Back in the days, I was extremely enthused about this non-action thing. I was so into it, that I would "try to not try." Obviously, this is an oxymoron because if I tried to not try, that means I'm still trying. It's sorta like being cool- you can't be cool if you try to be cool, because being cool means not trying.

Same thing with "being in the moment." I was really into all the "being in the Now" philosophy, but simply by TRYING to be "in the moment," I've lost the moment.

So whats a man to do?

"Do your work, then step back."

Heres what I do nowadays. For example, if I want to feel more confident before a speech, I don't just keep on repeating the mantra "I am confident" a million times in my head on stage, over and over again - that simply requires way too much effort, and will probably backfire. Before I go on stage, I will just imagine myself vividly being confident, giving a stunning speech, and really evoking those confident feelings. Then, maybe I'll say the words "I am confident" once, and then, I just jump on stage and let my body take over. And when I get out there, I'm just on autopilot. It's almost like I drown out the voices in my head with the positive visualizations. My conscious mind goes "Hey! This guy's feeling confident. I guess my job here is done- I'll just let the subconscious take over now." And before I know it, I'm not trying without even trying to! =D

So whats the magic recipe?

1) Visualize yourself feeling the emotions you want to feel BEFORE the event (or as soon as possible).

2) Let go, and just allow your body to take over. And remember to enjoy the ride!

"If only I can get this handled"

I'm under the impression now that no matter where in life we are, there will ALWAYS be hurdles. There will always be "problems."

It is a common human folly to think "If only I can get this ONE thing handled, my life would be perfect."

It ain't gonna happen! When you finally DO get that one thing handled, you'll magically find another thing to busy ourselves with, another hurdle to jump. It's almost like we say to ourselves "this can't be right, it's is getting too easy. Let's find ourselves a problem to spice things up!"

Now, I read about all this ages ago- enjoy the moment, don't look for salvation in the future, etc- but it never truly hit me. I honestly believed that if I could get this ONE thing sorted, I would be happy! But after being let down time and time again, I guess I can no longer delude myself like this.

Happiness doesn't need a reason! We must be happy now, or never! Life will never be perfect! There will always be things that can make us frown- but it doesn't mean we have to.

Problems are only problems if we view them as such. And if it truly is something you want to change, then don't let it get in the way of your happiness.

Be interested

One of the first laws of human interactions is "Be interested." People enjoy talking with people who are interested in what they have to say. And besides, it's 100 times more fun for YOU if you are genuinely interested in the conversation.

But "be interested" can be a piece of advice that can be taken the wrong way and keeps you stuck. So lets say you walk up to a botanist, and you ask him for a bit of gardening advice. He's obviously very excited to talk to you about it, seeing how interested you are in what he has to say. You ask him technical questions about how to keep weed away from your garden, which flowers are most resilient, etc. But after 15 minutes of him talking about plants and grass, the conversation doesn't really seem to...go anywhere. You both may have had a great time chatting, but its unlikely you'll exchange numbers and agree to met up some other time for a drink. There just wasn't much connection.

Why? Because you were only interested in the TOPIC. You were only interested in the TOPIC of gardening, without being interested in HIM. When the guru's of gab tells us to "be interested," we must be interested not only in the topic, but also be interested in the person himself! So if you were talking about gardening, don't just talk about dry facts and technical stuff, ask about him! His OPINION on which flower is his favorite and why, the FEELING of satisfaction he gets when tending a garden, the hardships he had to go through setting up his gardening company!

Be interested in other peoples human-ness as well as the facts and knowledge that they know. It'll make all the difference!

Musings

Sometimes, I think the universe is trying to help me succeed and is not allowing me to fail. It tries very hard to nudge me in the right direction, and provides for me like a loving parent. It seems like the only thing stopping me is...myself.

Things just seem to fall on my lap, as a gift from above. Luck, wealth and good fortune are abundant in my life, but it feels like something within me is blocking me. It's as if theres a voice within me that says "Don't be silly, you don't deserve this, you aren't good enough to handle all this wealth. Be afraid, for you may lose it all tomorrow."

Why do I have those thoughts? I do not know. Maybe I am too fragile, too prone to emotional ups and downs, thereby causing great fear that I may be toppled by the slightest gust. Its very conflicting- on one hand, theres a part of me that knows and feels that I can handle anything that comes to me, and yet, theres another part that is fearful and scared.

I fear, I worry, I fret, and yet, things still turns out beautifully. Not a single ounce of that fear has benefited me in any way.

Today, I dedicate myself to drop my fears. I will not fight them, for that which is opposed grows. Instead, I look on my fear, understand that no matter what happens, I can handle it. Then I will drop it. It will gain no more power over me! I am in control of myself!

Our greatest gift, and our biggest burden

Our imagination.

Imagine for a moment, that you had no imagination (oxymoron, I know). Would you be able to feel fear? After all, isn't fear just a reaction to the undesirable mental images we have in our heads created by our imagination? Would you feel jealousy? After all, it is not the text messages on your girlfriends phone that makes your heart heavy- it's what those text messages could mean. And that meaning is created by the imagination.

But, our imagination is also our greatest strength. We are able to invent, create and build wonders of mankind only because of our imagination. We can run simulations in our heads that better prepares us for the future. And we can shape our thoughts, beliefs and lives, with our imagination.

Eastern sages have told us to quiet our minds and in effect, turn off the giant simulation machine that is our imagination. I think thats a good idea, and possible up to a certain point for us laypeople, but unless we want to be a hermit and spend many years our lives dedicated to meditation, it is not the best solution. Instead, if we can't turn off the simulation, then why not use it to imagine something that would benefit us instead of harm us?

If we can't turn off the machine, then at least point it in the direction that would bring us joy, instead of using it for self torture. What does this mean in practical terms?

Picture happy, positive, joyful things! Now, what I mean by this isn't to imagine you're some kinda billionaire off on a Hawaiian island. That would merely be self delusion and escapism. It is no virtue to escape from a life of inadequacy and fear, into an imaginary life of paradise. We have no absolute control of the things around us, but one thing we do have power over is our thoughts, over our emotions.

So instead of picturing external wealth, picture internal wealth. See yourself standing tall, radiating light and smiling at life. Picture yourself at peace, with love radiating from your heart, living without fear. And as you imagine these things, feel in yourself those same emotions. Feel the happiness welling up from your chest! Feel your lips curve upwards into a beautiful, joyful smile!

Imagine it as if it were true, and it shall be so. Never again will you succumb to imaginary shadows lurking in your mind, for you are their master. And you will transform them, into your loving, loyal guardian angels.

How to build unbreakable Self esteem

What is self esteem? It's our belief in our overall abilities to deal with life. It's how we see ourselves handling obstacles. Self esteem is the answer we give to the question "Can I be happy?"

Low self esteem is "I can't be happy."
Good self esteem is "I have the ability to make myself happy."

The future is unpredictable, full of surprises and shocks. We'll never know if things turn out right tomorrow, if we can be satisfied and happy later...or can we? Are we really forced to live everyday in fear about the morrow? Theres so much to be worried and scared about: Can I pay my rent? Will I finish this project in time? Will my friends ditch me? But is that what we are REALLY afraid of? No.

Our only TRUE fear in life is "I can't handle it." That is the original fear from which all other fears arise from. "Will my friend ditch me?" is really "Can I handle my friends ditching me?" We don't actually fear our friends ditching us- we merely fear the emotions that rise up within us when our friends ditch us.

But lets take a step back for a moment and look at the bigger picture- is there truly something we "can't handle?" Go on, give me a situation where you "can't handle" it. At the end of the day, is there such a thing?! Whatever happens, we'll handle it! We deal with it! Even death- how is it possible for us to not be able to handle death? We'd already be dead!

With this realization comes IMMENSE freedom. If all our fears are based on "I can't handle it," and we realize that we CAN handle it... does that not mean we lose all our fears?

YES!!! What an immense relief! Can't you feel a huge burden lifted off your back? Do you not feel your self esteem rise up from the bottom of your chest? We are pretty much Invincible! You can handle WHATEVER the universe throws at you.

Every time you feel hesitant, you feel your chest tightening, say to yourself "I can handle it!" and jump into action! Whenever you're worried or anxious, realize that "I can handle it" and watch those worries dissipate right before your eyes. When your landlord kicks you out for not paying the rent, look back with your head held high, smile at the old man and say "I'll handle it!"

Because in the end, there is nothing we can't handle.