Kill the mental chatter
When talking with someone, the most important thing we want is to be listened. So theres nothing as difficult as talking to someone who isn't truly listening- their minds are either floating around in a daydream, or they're just itching for their turn to speak, or they're too worried about their self-image to be truly paying attention to you.
If someone doesn't really want to listen, then there isn't much you can do. But we can all strive to be good listener ourselves! But too often, I find myself falling into one of the three traps mentioned above- I'm either not interested in what their saying and start daydreaming, or I'm TOO interested in the subject and want to contribute without really listening to the other person, or I'm simply too nervous or self conscious to be truly taking in whats coming out of the other persons mouth. So what can I do about this? Be mindful.
Basically, just listen- that is all. Don't think or judge or label, just listen to what the other person is saying and take it all in. Quiet yourself so the other persons voice can enter the space created in your mind. It doesn't matter if you throw the empire state building into the ocean if theres a massive storm- but if the water is still, even a tiny pebble will create ripples that are far reaching.
When I realize I'm not paying attention, I find it extremely helpful to just breath in deeply, and put a little smile on my face. It immediately puts me back into the present moment, and allows me to truly listen and "be there."
Ultimately, this takes quite a bit of practice as most of us are used to having a running commentary inside our heads going 24/7. But I assure you, if you master this skill, not only will the people around you love you for truly listening to them- you'll also find yourself enjoying the company of others much much more. Never again will you be in a boring conversation!
Good luck!
If someone doesn't really want to listen, then there isn't much you can do. But we can all strive to be good listener ourselves! But too often, I find myself falling into one of the three traps mentioned above- I'm either not interested in what their saying and start daydreaming, or I'm TOO interested in the subject and want to contribute without really listening to the other person, or I'm simply too nervous or self conscious to be truly taking in whats coming out of the other persons mouth. So what can I do about this? Be mindful.
Basically, just listen- that is all. Don't think or judge or label, just listen to what the other person is saying and take it all in. Quiet yourself so the other persons voice can enter the space created in your mind. It doesn't matter if you throw the empire state building into the ocean if theres a massive storm- but if the water is still, even a tiny pebble will create ripples that are far reaching.
When I realize I'm not paying attention, I find it extremely helpful to just breath in deeply, and put a little smile on my face. It immediately puts me back into the present moment, and allows me to truly listen and "be there."
Ultimately, this takes quite a bit of practice as most of us are used to having a running commentary inside our heads going 24/7. But I assure you, if you master this skill, not only will the people around you love you for truly listening to them- you'll also find yourself enjoying the company of others much much more. Never again will you be in a boring conversation!
Good luck!
posted by Soapz at 9:42 PM
2 Comments:
Very recognizable. This also happens a lot to me not only when listening but also when I am working on, for instance, a document for work.
What works well for me is simply saying to myself "Back to work now" or "Listen intensly".
Will go back now writing the cover letter that I should be writing instead of posting this comment :)
Very recognizable. This also happens a lot to me not only when listening but also when I am working on, for instance, a document for work.
What works well for me is simply saying to myself "Back to work now" or "Listen intensly".
Will go back now writing the cover letter that I should be writing instead of posting this comment :)
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